Sunday Afternoon Joke

[hook]

A young girl came home from a date looking sad. She told her mother, Charles proposed to me a few minutes ago. Then why are you so sad? Ask her mother. Because he also mentioned he was an atheist. Mon, he doesn't believe there's hell. Her mother replied, marry him anyway, between the two of us, we will show him how wrong he is.

[Xandusk]

LMAO!

[Xandusk]

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem," she complained, "is that it wakes me up."

[hook]

The teacher ask the class that if anybody felt stupid to please stand up, after a few minutes little Johnny stood up. The teacher ask him if he felt stupid. Little Johnny replied no mam, I just felt bad with you standing there all by your self.

[Xandusk]

Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said, "Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!"

[hook]

A 70 year old lady went to the doctor, the doctor after examing her said she needed nor exercise, she ask what kind and the doctor said how about sec. She said that would be fine whither her but that he needed to tell her husband. The doctor went to the waiting room and told her 80 year old husband that his wife needed sec 3 times a week, the husband ask what days would be the best. The doctor said how about Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The husband said that he could bring her on Monday's and Wednesdays but she would have to take the bus on fridays.

[Xandusk]

A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person "How much are the washer and dryer?"

"Five dollars for both of them," the salesman said.
"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man replied sarcastically.
"No, that's the price," the salesman said, "Do you want to buy them or not?"
"Yeah, I'll take them!" the customer responded.

He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. "How much?" he asked.

"Five dollars for the system," the salesman answered.
"Is it stolen?" the guy asks.
"No," said the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or not?"
"Sure," the customer replied. He looked around some more.

Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. "How much?"
"Five dollars," was the familiar response.
"I'll take that too!" the man said.

As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him,
"Why are your prices so cheap?"

The salesman said, "Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife.
What he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business!"

[Xandusk]

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

[hook]

The difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale

Northern fairy tale Begin's with "Once Upon A Time "
Southern fairy tale begins with "You Ain't Gonna Believe This Shit "

[Xandusk]

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job." The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!" To which the first replies, "Whoa I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"

[hook]

Edward hale, while Chaplin of the US Senate, was asked, do you pray for the senators? He quickly replied, no after gitting to know them, I pray for the people.

[Xandusk]

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman.

"What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

[hook]

Three guys went to heaven, st Peter explained to them that heaven was full, so unless they had died a very hard death they could not git in. He ask the first guy, what's your story. He replied that he lived in a high rise and lived on the 26th floor. He has been suspecting for a while that his wife was having an affair. This morning when I went to work I just rode down to the lobby, walked around the block and then went back upstairs. My wife came out of the bedroom in her robe. I knew I had caught him, I ran into the bedroom but there was nobody in there, I frantly searched the apartment but could find no one. When I walked out on the balcany I spotted him hanging over the railing trying to hide from me, I run into and grabbed a hammer, I ran out and started to beat on his hands till he let go and fell, but he landed in some bushes and it must have broken his fall as he started to walk away. I was so mad that I ran into and jerked the refridator ran out and threw it over the railing hitting him, I then collasped and died with an heart attack. St. Peter said come on in. He then turned to the second guy and said, what's your story. He explained that he lived in a high rise building and lived on the 27and floor. He said every morning he does exercises on his balcany. This morning he must have slipped on something as he fell over the railing, but he caught a break when he was able to grab the tailing on the balcany below. He thought he was saved when a man ran out, but he started to beat on his hands with a hammer. He explained that he could not take the pain anymore and released his grip. But luck was on his side as he landed in some bushes and walked away with just some scratches, when out of nowhere a refridator landed on him killing him. St Peter said come on in. Then st Peter turned to the third guy and said what's your story. The guy looked at st Peter and said now imagine this, I'm naked hiding in an refridator.

[Hung8Tung]

Newlywed couple is on a plane to Hawaii for their honeymoon. They've never been there before and heard that there are debating the right way to say it. One says it's "Hawaii", the other says it's "Havaii". Wife turns to a Jewish Rabbi who happened to be sitting across the aisle.

Wife: "Excuse me, have you ever been to Hawaii?"
Rabbi: "Many times."
Wife: "Oh, good, maybe you an answer a question for us."
Rabbi: "Ask me anything,"
Wife: "What's the correct way to say it - is it 'Hawaii' or is it 'Havaii'?"
Rabbi: "It's 'Havaii'."
Wife: "Thank you."
Rabbi: "You're velcome."